Samstag, 6. April 2013

If You Want to Succeed With Dating, Treat Each New Date As If You Are a Beginner

There are those who are "proud" about dating tens if not hundreds of others. They think is shows how "great" they are; how "in demand" they are. Felling "hot" about themselves they turn dating into a game, competing with themselves (as well as with others) about how many dates they will go on; how many people they will meet on a weekly, monthly and yearly basis.
But then, the "end-result" is often no-relationship, no true intimacy, no long-term serious and meaningful bond.
Whether you go out on many dates or not; whether you are selective or not, if you sincerely wish to find a partner with whom to develop a healthy and satisfying intimacy, there is at least one lesson you might want to keep in mind: Always behave on your dates as if you are a beginner.
Let me explain what I mean:
If you have been going on dates for quite some time now, you might have noticed that it is easy and comfortable for you to always behave on your dates in exactly the same way you have behaved on previous dates. You think you know what you can expect; you feel you already know the "rules of the game": after all, you have "done" it a few times already (if not more), so now you have another opportunity, another date, another person to meet - oh well, "just another one": easy!
But this is exactly the lesson you need to learn: as long as you approach a new date in exactly the same manner you have approached previous ones there is no reason to believe that at the end of the meeting you will be one step ahead of where you have been on previous dates and have a better chance for something meaningful to develop.
The reason being, that if you feel that after having gone on many dates dating has become a routine, "one more person to meet", you don't give yourself the opportunity to truly be there with full attention; truly being capable to feel what goes on between you and the other person. And such an attitude is counterproductive to succeeding in the development of a serious intimacy.
Treat each new date as if you are a beginner
If you truly and honestly wish to find a partner with whom to develop a serious relationship, you must go on dates feeling as if you are a beginner, treating each and every new date as if it is a new experience; seriously attempting to get to know the person that you meet; paying attention to your own reactions and behaviors. It is only then that you will be authentic - with yourself as well as with your date; and it is only then that you will treat your date with dignity and respect; and it is only then that you will carefully listen to whatever your dates tells you about himself/herself.
And it is only then that you will be able to sensibly consider whether it makes sense to try extending the date into a second meeting, hopefully leading to a future meaningful intimate relationship.

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